There are so much stuff to write and so many ppl to thank I do not really know how to start. Let me just start with the pre-bday happiness :D
Firstly, I had a bday dinner treat and movie from my colleagues. (I also got my pay check). Then my cousins asked me for a date out to celeb my bday. Buds and CJ also came for a mahj stayover at my house on the eve of my bday. Rosie, Zhenquan, Shuwen (Eng), my tutee Hoe Hwa, Mom, Min, Ian and my cousins & aunt all wished me happy bday. I did not expect so many people to remember frankly. :)
There is one other person whom I really wish to thank most. It is my dearie Xinyi. She surprised me at my house on my bday morning with a cake which she baked herself. CHOCOLATE!!!!! OMG the cake was GREAT!! I dare say, without bias, that the cake can beat TCC's Devil's Chocolate cake anytime!! She also gave me a jacket to counter the cold LTs and shopping centres that I am promoting in. We also went to her friend's concert (I admit I dozed off a little at the concert due to the dearth of sleep!! Argh, such an embarrassment!!). It is the first time that Xinyi baked for anyone and I am very honoured that she baked for me. I will love her more, not just because of the cake, but because that is what I am hoping to do all along! I must also thank Peishan for making an effort to come down, despite her super tiring night. I must also thank my buds for making this surprise possible :D
I am really feeling a lot right now, but I do not think that words can express enough. (Either my language is deteriorating, or words are really an understatement.) At the same time, I also hope that my other friends are doing well. Some of them may not have wished me "Happy Bday" but I never do blame them, because I have faith that our friendships are still strong as ever. All that I have obtained from this birthday is that I have the BEST GIRLFRIEND ON EARTH, and that I have many friends whom I will cherish and whom I can never thank enough :D
SG
Monday, 22 June 2009
Monday, 4 May 2009
What is to come..
I just got sick of studying today and went back to my old blog (the one without "again") to pay a visit. I must say my English was so much more proficient than. Not that Im saying I am not good now, but my vocabulary does not seem to be appearing often enough in my recent blog posts, compared to my old blog's. Gotta brush up, or rather, throw in the big words now.. Grammar improvements are also seriously needed. Somehow the profundity of language and content does not seem to resonate in my recent posts. They just seem like random posts of sianness, lethargy and.. ageing? Well whatever it is, if I wanna write better, I better get school out of the way. Im pretty sure its eating up my life in ways that I have yet to discover.
From reading previous posts, I recalled that I really hate driving (I still hate it now!!) because I almost got into accidents on the road before. Whole families can jaywalk in front of you as if the road is their living room. Yup I still remember that hilarious horror scene. If pedestrians and fellow drivers start learning how to use the road with more consideration, I will consider liking driving more. Sheesh... I am sure that if I drive more, and the experiences are more positive, I will like driving, more..
3 more days till this semester is over. Somehow I feel that every sem is the worst sem ever, but things just seem to get worse with each passing sem, and impending sem. Is uni really all about the sems getting worse, or is it just me not being able, or willing, to catch up with the momentum? Its probably a mix of both. Perhaps there isnt any inability or unwillingness at all. It could just be a sign of near-burnout. Nah I highly doubt any of these are the reasons. I guess I just need a break, without grades at the back of my head. Thank goodness the 3mth break is in place. The only major event during the break (for now..) is ICT. ICT better be fun.
SG
From reading previous posts, I recalled that I really hate driving (I still hate it now!!) because I almost got into accidents on the road before. Whole families can jaywalk in front of you as if the road is their living room. Yup I still remember that hilarious horror scene. If pedestrians and fellow drivers start learning how to use the road with more consideration, I will consider liking driving more. Sheesh... I am sure that if I drive more, and the experiences are more positive, I will like driving, more..
3 more days till this semester is over. Somehow I feel that every sem is the worst sem ever, but things just seem to get worse with each passing sem, and impending sem. Is uni really all about the sems getting worse, or is it just me not being able, or willing, to catch up with the momentum? Its probably a mix of both. Perhaps there isnt any inability or unwillingness at all. It could just be a sign of near-burnout. Nah I highly doubt any of these are the reasons. I guess I just need a break, without grades at the back of my head. Thank goodness the 3mth break is in place. The only major event during the break (for now..) is ICT. ICT better be fun.
SG
Sunday, 3 May 2009
After thoughts
Ok my previous post was crappy and should not even be published, but Im gonna leave it there anyway. Apparently, remnants of my narcisstic self still persists.
Many times I have had to do things alone, therefore, Im so used to getting things done by myself. Even if the quality does not match up to expectations, at least I know I have done my best and I wont have any regrets. When group members or other ppl start coming into my life, I just get defensive and still want things my way.
Things changed around 2mths ago of cos, when dearie entered my life as a gf. I know that I cannot carry on life as a narcissist and self-centred jerk (well these two traits occur half the time). I do feel myself being a better person with dearie around. I know that I do not exactly bare my heart to people (for one thing there isnt really much to bare, its usually just ranting which I will solve soon) but Im really glad that dearie is still around me to give me the morning sms and that she is there for me to say goodnight to. Of cos I can do it to anybody else, but I wont..
I am in still control of my life, but now, I am glad that there is someone out there who wants to share it with me. I can feel my narcissistic self dying... Good.
SG
Many times I have had to do things alone, therefore, Im so used to getting things done by myself. Even if the quality does not match up to expectations, at least I know I have done my best and I wont have any regrets. When group members or other ppl start coming into my life, I just get defensive and still want things my way.
Things changed around 2mths ago of cos, when dearie entered my life as a gf. I know that I cannot carry on life as a narcissist and self-centred jerk (well these two traits occur half the time). I do feel myself being a better person with dearie around. I know that I do not exactly bare my heart to people (for one thing there isnt really much to bare, its usually just ranting which I will solve soon) but Im really glad that dearie is still around me to give me the morning sms and that she is there for me to say goodnight to. Of cos I can do it to anybody else, but I wont..
I am in still control of my life, but now, I am glad that there is someone out there who wants to share it with me. I can feel my narcissistic self dying... Good.
SG
Random post to emphasise why I should always do things myself...
I just found out that I got a stupid B- for my Atyp group project, the poster thing... Argh That means I got B- for half that module (coupled with my B- paper.) This module is simple de lo, argh... forget about rationalising why things are easy...
I KNEW FROM THE START this poster wont get good results.. Maybe its time to apply some social theories here.. Told all of them that we gotta do it like a mini acad paper, more structure, throw in some references here and there but NO.... They wanted to be concise and creative.. Irritating when people think that they are doing something concise and creative, when it is actually too general (so concise until it becomes generic) and does not meet the lecturer's expectations (creativity entails going out of the box rite, in this case, it went out of the expectations too)... Apparently I was supposedly the leader. Of cos they listened to wat I said and did make changes, but somehow the crucial points did not get consensus. Cant help it that it was done in such a rush.
Hello, Devt is easy but its not a high school kids project.. Argh irritating... I shld have done it ALL by myself. Probably grab one of those Yes-people out there to get my work done.
Why am I even sounding so elitist on this, not like Im gonna get an A for this module. This sem better be good to me, one way or another. Sick of getting B- when I completely doubt I deserve them. You can throw eggs at me for being a self-loving narcissist but YA.. I am that good!!! Argh....
SG
I KNEW FROM THE START this poster wont get good results.. Maybe its time to apply some social theories here.. Told all of them that we gotta do it like a mini acad paper, more structure, throw in some references here and there but NO.... They wanted to be concise and creative.. Irritating when people think that they are doing something concise and creative, when it is actually too general (so concise until it becomes generic) and does not meet the lecturer's expectations (creativity entails going out of the box rite, in this case, it went out of the expectations too)... Apparently I was supposedly the leader. Of cos they listened to wat I said and did make changes, but somehow the crucial points did not get consensus. Cant help it that it was done in such a rush.
Hello, Devt is easy but its not a high school kids project.. Argh irritating... I shld have done it ALL by myself. Probably grab one of those Yes-people out there to get my work done.
Why am I even sounding so elitist on this, not like Im gonna get an A for this module. This sem better be good to me, one way or another. Sick of getting B- when I completely doubt I deserve them. You can throw eggs at me for being a self-loving narcissist but YA.. I am that good!!! Argh....
SG
Saturday, 11 April 2009
Time to stop thinking for a moment
I want to make the best outcome possible, but I have gotta recognise that there is no best outcome. There can only be a happy outcome.
To reach this happy (best) outcome, we need our heart to be involved, instead of locking it up. We need not plan or consider the circumstances so much (or even at all). Sometimes, when one thinks too much in making the best outcome possible, about whether he is doing something at the right time or place or in front of the right people, he is actually not in the right track of making this happy outcome. This is because he could tend to inhibit his heart from participating in the process as his brain formulates and searches for the best scenario to execute.
I feel very loved tonight. Partly is because there are people out there who care for me, give in to my shortcomings (my impulsiveness, emotional inhibition, insensitivity etc), there are people who miss me. I also found out that I have the ability to love. I have always wanted to love and cherish those whom I care for, but I tend to do it in the wrong ways. The loving and cherishing may even seem absent half the time. I have thought before of the greatest ways to love someone and make the person's day. Much planning and thinking have been involved. However, it takes several knocks for me to find out that simply saying how I feel and just doing what I want to is good enough. Words are powerful but actions still speak louder than words.
It will take time for me to slowly unlock my heart. It could take an instant, or a lifetime. However, I know that the progress along the way will keep me going. The support which I will get will also be my impetus. I have to thank dearie for being there all along. Previously I have worried about letting her experience this transition phase with me. The transition period is bumpy but every step is worth it. Thank you for being there dearie.
SG
To reach this happy (best) outcome, we need our heart to be involved, instead of locking it up. We need not plan or consider the circumstances so much (or even at all). Sometimes, when one thinks too much in making the best outcome possible, about whether he is doing something at the right time or place or in front of the right people, he is actually not in the right track of making this happy outcome. This is because he could tend to inhibit his heart from participating in the process as his brain formulates and searches for the best scenario to execute.
I feel very loved tonight. Partly is because there are people out there who care for me, give in to my shortcomings (my impulsiveness, emotional inhibition, insensitivity etc), there are people who miss me. I also found out that I have the ability to love. I have always wanted to love and cherish those whom I care for, but I tend to do it in the wrong ways. The loving and cherishing may even seem absent half the time. I have thought before of the greatest ways to love someone and make the person's day. Much planning and thinking have been involved. However, it takes several knocks for me to find out that simply saying how I feel and just doing what I want to is good enough. Words are powerful but actions still speak louder than words.
It will take time for me to slowly unlock my heart. It could take an instant, or a lifetime. However, I know that the progress along the way will keep me going. The support which I will get will also be my impetus. I have to thank dearie for being there all along. Previously I have worried about letting her experience this transition phase with me. The transition period is bumpy but every step is worth it. Thank you for being there dearie.
SG
Friday, 13 March 2009
I know I have a heart, and I soooo gotta use it.
Another confiding session, another resolution, another leap of progress.
Is logic an impediment/defensive facade to our true feelings and what we wish to do?
Instead of putting up a best self in front of the person we love, will letting vulnerabilities show (of cos not be a weak kitten la) actually be a better way of fostering love?
Is letting your loved one worry a privilege rather than a chore?
Is love irrational? Is it supposed to be irrational?
Is being in a relationship all about being the perfect person, or about being the happiest couple possible?
Are the tangible stuff more important than the intangible stuff?
The feeling that someone is out there to care for you, worry for you, is probably one of the deepest underlying reason that gives us meaning to spring out of bed every morning to start a new day!! Being perfect is not as easy as being comfortable, so why not just take the comfortable way when in a r/s? Ironically, it could actually be the formula to the most perfect r/s, than to strive for perfection as the best bf or gf. And of cos, in order to feel comfortable and happy, we do not need to use our brain for that (well technically we do, but lets avoid the amygdala) . We need our heart for that, and I am SOOO gonna start using it.
SG
Is logic an impediment/defensive facade to our true feelings and what we wish to do?
Instead of putting up a best self in front of the person we love, will letting vulnerabilities show (of cos not be a weak kitten la) actually be a better way of fostering love?
Is letting your loved one worry a privilege rather than a chore?
Is love irrational? Is it supposed to be irrational?
Is being in a relationship all about being the perfect person, or about being the happiest couple possible?
Are the tangible stuff more important than the intangible stuff?
The feeling that someone is out there to care for you, worry for you, is probably one of the deepest underlying reason that gives us meaning to spring out of bed every morning to start a new day!! Being perfect is not as easy as being comfortable, so why not just take the comfortable way when in a r/s? Ironically, it could actually be the formula to the most perfect r/s, than to strive for perfection as the best bf or gf. And of cos, in order to feel comfortable and happy, we do not need to use our brain for that (well technically we do, but lets avoid the amygdala) . We need our heart for that, and I am SOOO gonna start using it.
SG
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Near death!!! AGAIN!!
My fan exploded just now. The rotors exploded into 8 pieces, and the grille cage popped out. Some of the shrapnels landed at my feet, when I was just 5 feet away doing my report. I escaped unscathed, luckily....
Dearie advised me to go to the temple, which I will do, to pray for being blessed that I escaped such an accident. I did think of suing the company for a while there, but I doubt I will go take I that trouble. I will just remember the name "GAZZ" forever.
Whenever such near death incidents occur to me, I never fail to recall the numerous other near death incidents I encountered. 3 of which were during army time, during the Brunei training (Trees collapsing near me and I saw X-trees....). 1 other one during ATEC (almost got a pointy tree trunk in my gut). This fan thing is my 5th incident. I think there was one incident that involved a car, but I cant remember that anyway. Basically, I cheated death SOOOO many times!!!!
I am truly grateful for all the days that I have lived, and all the days that I will be living. I have always been motivated to be nice and help others, not cos I wanna better my karma, but because I really like it. And being alive after all these near-misses really gives me added joy in life. And the need for good karma! :P
SG
Dearie advised me to go to the temple, which I will do, to pray for being blessed that I escaped such an accident. I did think of suing the company for a while there, but I doubt I will go take I that trouble. I will just remember the name "GAZZ" forever.
Whenever such near death incidents occur to me, I never fail to recall the numerous other near death incidents I encountered. 3 of which were during army time, during the Brunei training (Trees collapsing near me and I saw X-trees....). 1 other one during ATEC (almost got a pointy tree trunk in my gut). This fan thing is my 5th incident. I think there was one incident that involved a car, but I cant remember that anyway. Basically, I cheated death SOOOO many times!!!!
I am truly grateful for all the days that I have lived, and all the days that I will be living. I have always been motivated to be nice and help others, not cos I wanna better my karma, but because I really like it. And being alive after all these near-misses really gives me added joy in life. And the need for good karma! :P
SG
Friday, 27 February 2009
Validity of assessments
I am inspired to come up with such a technical title, upon receiving my results for a psych module. I got 15.5/20. It is still within the average region though. I also happened to be writing my Biopsych paper.
I was just wondering about the validity of using such assessments to predict a person's ability. Using papers and examinations really do not, in my point of view, determine very much of a person's ability. The best that it can tell is just how well a person can write or think under timed conditions. The work world does require such a skill but the intangible aspects such as attitudes, creative thinking, leadership etc, do not emerge in these assessments.
Everyone around me is busy with the paper chase. Dearie is also striving to be one of the lead runners in the race. So am I, and almost everyone else I know. Ever since JC, I have thought that this is the most meaningless thing to do. Chasing for something is good, if that goal is really what we want. But at the end of the day, I do not want a piece of paper writing First Class honours. I want to be able to help people with my care and knowledge. I am sure many others know too that they do not really want that piece of paper. Its just that the degree facilitates the route to their ultimate self-actualisation.
However, as we do that, we are all subjected to expectations set by others (and we do not even know the biases and intelligence of those people who set these expectations). Requiring Masters to be a psychologist is a safe approach to make sure that people do not go around screwing other's minds. But what about other industries, who rely on your qualifications to promote you. Who go strictly by the book without making exceptions?
This is one of the many times which I have pondered over this issue of the paper chase. Is what we are doing now even worth our time, having to be subjected to other people? The ones who are authorised to assess us and give us grades. They determine our future to some extent, but are they doing a good job assessing us and preparing us in reaching our goal in future?
Again this is one of those Socratic questioning style of ranting. I am just totally sick of having to do things which I find totally useless in my future work life. I am not gonna be writing papers or answering MCQs anymore once I enter the work world.
SG
I was just wondering about the validity of using such assessments to predict a person's ability. Using papers and examinations really do not, in my point of view, determine very much of a person's ability. The best that it can tell is just how well a person can write or think under timed conditions. The work world does require such a skill but the intangible aspects such as attitudes, creative thinking, leadership etc, do not emerge in these assessments.
Everyone around me is busy with the paper chase. Dearie is also striving to be one of the lead runners in the race. So am I, and almost everyone else I know. Ever since JC, I have thought that this is the most meaningless thing to do. Chasing for something is good, if that goal is really what we want. But at the end of the day, I do not want a piece of paper writing First Class honours. I want to be able to help people with my care and knowledge. I am sure many others know too that they do not really want that piece of paper. Its just that the degree facilitates the route to their ultimate self-actualisation.
However, as we do that, we are all subjected to expectations set by others (and we do not even know the biases and intelligence of those people who set these expectations). Requiring Masters to be a psychologist is a safe approach to make sure that people do not go around screwing other's minds. But what about other industries, who rely on your qualifications to promote you. Who go strictly by the book without making exceptions?
This is one of the many times which I have pondered over this issue of the paper chase. Is what we are doing now even worth our time, having to be subjected to other people? The ones who are authorised to assess us and give us grades. They determine our future to some extent, but are they doing a good job assessing us and preparing us in reaching our goal in future?
Again this is one of those Socratic questioning style of ranting. I am just totally sick of having to do things which I find totally useless in my future work life. I am not gonna be writing papers or answering MCQs anymore once I enter the work world.
SG
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Piggy is attached!!
As of 15 Feb, 0200 hrs, Piggy me is attached to Xinyi... SO HAPPY!!!
Finally we can reveal to the whole world legally, cos we intended to reveal it to some friends on Thu (19 Feb). Just for the record, they were so happy for us, and yet so erm, gek by us too..
It has been nearly a week since dearie and I are together. I have given her a necklace as a token of love (its essential ppl...) and met up with some of her friends. Somehow I think both of us (at least for myself) may feel that at some pt of time, we may inconvenience or upset the other party in some unknown way which I cannot foresee now, but as of now, dearie if you are reading this, you have not inconvenienced or upset me in any way. And I hope that I have not inconvenienced or upset you in any way too..
Essentially upsets and inconveniences, sacrifices etc are bound to be encountered in r/s. I guess we just have not encountered it yet (Hello, one wk only...). Whatever it is though, I believe that as long as the couple is frank to each other, let the feelings and thoughts be expressed at the start before any snowballing or worsening occurs, then things shld be fine. Basically, be frank with your partner and communicate truthfully to avoid any major misunderstandings. That is one of the promise I gave dearie and I aim to uphold it.
I promised dearie that I will (translated to Eng): True and only love to her
Sharing of joy and wishes
Thick and thin together
Honesty and frankness
It's 2.30am now, on a Sunday 22 Feb. Recess wk is now. Love to update more But I SO GOTTA SLP!! Tired piggy is suffering from withdrawal symptoms of sleep deprivation..... The 3am effects are making me into a Ju-On!! Piggy is back on this blog and I hope it will be to stay this time. Enjoy recess wk Piggy!! And dearie and dear reader :)
SG
Finally we can reveal to the whole world legally, cos we intended to reveal it to some friends on Thu (19 Feb). Just for the record, they were so happy for us, and yet so erm, gek by us too..
It has been nearly a week since dearie and I are together. I have given her a necklace as a token of love (its essential ppl...) and met up with some of her friends. Somehow I think both of us (at least for myself) may feel that at some pt of time, we may inconvenience or upset the other party in some unknown way which I cannot foresee now, but as of now, dearie if you are reading this, you have not inconvenienced or upset me in any way. And I hope that I have not inconvenienced or upset you in any way too..
Essentially upsets and inconveniences, sacrifices etc are bound to be encountered in r/s. I guess we just have not encountered it yet (Hello, one wk only...). Whatever it is though, I believe that as long as the couple is frank to each other, let the feelings and thoughts be expressed at the start before any snowballing or worsening occurs, then things shld be fine. Basically, be frank with your partner and communicate truthfully to avoid any major misunderstandings. That is one of the promise I gave dearie and I aim to uphold it.
I promised dearie that I will (translated to Eng): True and only love to her
Sharing of joy and wishes
Thick and thin together
Honesty and frankness
It's 2.30am now, on a Sunday 22 Feb. Recess wk is now. Love to update more But I SO GOTTA SLP!! Tired piggy is suffering from withdrawal symptoms of sleep deprivation..... The 3am effects are making me into a Ju-On!! Piggy is back on this blog and I hope it will be to stay this time. Enjoy recess wk Piggy!! And dearie and dear reader :)
SG
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