Long overdue comments along the way..

The below entry is a blog entry which I should have posted about 3weeks ago. Luckily, I wrote the entry on paper, so I can just copy and paste. I had an influx of thoughts during my experiences in CSS and with certain patients.. Here goes:

My internship has been fun so far. The students are not as notorious as I expect in this school, except for a few. For now at least, I have managed to gain the respect of most colleagues and students (This is just for now, things will change later on). Active, possibly excessively zealous, participation in school events is also in my schedule. I even created a farewell retirement presentation for my mentor. She is leaving at the end of the year I believe. My mentor is on leave from next week and I will handle both her N(A) classes. Gosh.. I hardly had any contact with them before. Pretty apprehensive about it; hopefully it will not be a culture shock. Basically I am not in the least worried about managing a class at this point in time, I just gotta be more serious... I have this tendency to be friendly with juniors and that has really gotta go..

So far, my workload is nearly half of a full-time teacher's. I have been doing what is expected of me, maybe even more, and I can feel the drain. There is still space for more, but I really cant fathom having to lead such a life (get the hint?). I cant imagine my life when the marking, CCA, setting of tests, form teacher duties etc sets in. Frankly, I am loving my teaching job now. A LOT!! However, that is provided the above duties are not included. If they are included, I may just feel exploited. I have always thought that teachers are overworked. Now I have seen for myself (and even done them) the multiple tasks that they can get in just one day.

I have had a certain dilemma for quite a while. (This is an open secret) I am torn between two ambitions, both of which require a nurturing nature, which I am very sure I have. Previously since primary school, I have had always wanted to be a teacher. I will still like to be one. However, a new major-related profession came into my mind in JC. I have had sufficient hands-on experience in both fields and I am fine with both, just that the latter is not as easy to enter. However, there are numerous differences between the two. For instance, the workload and entry requirements into the industry differ greatly. The pool of people whom I work with and provide my service to, along with the code of ethics, are different too.

For one of the professions (it is not hard to guess which), the superiors have mountainous expectations. There are numerous ad-hoc duties which we have to undertake when the time comes. Also the charges we deal with are by the hordes, so management skills are paramount. Moreover, admin work and external projects are choking our schedules, such that the primary duty is trivialised pretty often. Worse of all, the way I see it, the underlying values expected from the workers in this industry are totally off tangent to what I expect.

This tough choice between two careers depressed me for a moment, but I got over it shortly, as usual. The other job, which is also facing a chronic manpower shortage, pays more, and to me is a lot more challenging. It could be less bureaucratic and definitely more systematic, but the satisfaction is similar. We impart skills to our charges. (For the previous job, skills are imparted, but more often than not, it is knowledge being bludgeoned to the sponges)

Anyway that is all that I will say for now. There is definitely more to it, but I do not wish to chronicle them. At least in a few decades, if I re-read this again, I will not be reminded of my current "healthy skepticism", a quality in me which one of my colleagues used to describe me. A serious contemplation is required among these two, but as of now, one of them is drifting away from my choices. It may come back as a mid-career option. I dont know..

The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step -Confucius

I have taken my first step, but is there anyone out there who can stop me from looking away?
There are others out there who can keep me on track, but how long will they walk with me.
I am willing to carry on this journey, but where are my trekking shoes...

I am lacking many qualities to excel in these two professions, but I believe my values are rock solid and apt for the professions. I have just gotta know more about the journey and which route will suit my trek.

SG