I must say, the problem I encountered in the previous post is solved.. but "problem" and "solved" are the wrong words to use in the first place anyway. Essentially, that chapter is closed.
New irritants are coming.. The most recent one, and most irritating one is the B- I got for my Psych essay. That two page crap which was vetted by three diff ppl actually got me a B MINUS!! So pissed and gonna bang open a Psych prof's door when I claim it on Monday. "B"s never seem to evade me, and new signs are being added to it, just starting to wonder when the + will come. Haven seen an "A" before and really wonder how the shit to get it. Hard work doesnt pay off.. I learnt this lesson a long time ago, but the learning seems to demand another practical lesson. (Just dun let this practical lesson last for the next 4 yrs)
Studying for exams now too. Its not arduous. Strangely so. Somehow the drive is not there; I really think the sch has killed enough of it such tt studying does not deserve the usual drive anymore. I know I have a lot to catch up and I know I dun have a lot of time. I also know that Im hardly in the right psyche for studying (And the B- doesnt help at all).. This is bad.
On the non-study side, its really sad to see others, including myself, get stressed up, worked up, fucked up... (name me other relevant -ups if possible) just cos of school, problems, watever...Its another one of my ivory tower moments when I cant do anything to help. Furthermore, this gal who I have a crush on is taking completely diff mods from me next sem. Things were looking good just tt we arent really meant to be the kind that can go to lectures and hang out together. Pity.
I just realised, that all my hopes for uni are kind of shattered. I thot of coming in and adapting well (the adaptation is fine but not academically). Grades arent the best as I hope to, my social life is hardly existent and the irritants just never seem to go away.. I dun even time to get a new female fren to hang around with, much to say for a girlfriend. These irritants arent enough to bring one down, but are enough to make one wonder why the heck some ppl (even JC teachers) actually say that university life is easier than JC life.
The worst thing is that in view of such bleak conditions, I dun really give a damn about it. Well not enough damn anyway.
Friday, 16 November 2007
Monday, 5 November 2007
When does one start asking for a life buoy? I still haven learnt to shout
I had a hard time thinkin of a title for this. Things arent in the best conditions recently and its more than just my five wives. I have always been good at solving my own problems myself and I dun see why I cant do it again. Thing is, when the problem lies with other ppl (i.e. many others are involved AND yr problem is existent due to other ppl's problem/s), it really becomes a PITA harder to rectify than personal angst. But then again, I really do not know if all this is a self-afflicted problem or is it collateral damage.
Its probably about time I let it off my chest. Yet there is little point anyway since no one can help me with it. The sufferers of the problem cant even help themselves anyway and this contagious helplessness spreads to me too. Even a good listener is far from enough. Observant ones will have caught tell-tale signs of renewed pessimism and listlessness. Not that I dun try to hide them, but just tt its getting pretty hard to make things look happy again. Besides just the existing problem/s, recommended solutions for them are not applied and the problem/s just go on, waiting for the dead end to wham it in the head.
I havent been making a lot of sense in this post. Not tt I did make a lot recently but anyway. There's isnt much point asking me if "Im ok?" or anything. I will probably only say "Yes" (when it's probably No), or I will just say "There's no point talking about it". Really so no need to probe, or comment or anything. Still alive and kicking from previous tribulations, this one (these) cant bring me down too.
Its probably about time I let it off my chest. Yet there is little point anyway since no one can help me with it. The sufferers of the problem cant even help themselves anyway and this contagious helplessness spreads to me too. Even a good listener is far from enough. Observant ones will have caught tell-tale signs of renewed pessimism and listlessness. Not that I dun try to hide them, but just tt its getting pretty hard to make things look happy again. Besides just the existing problem/s, recommended solutions for them are not applied and the problem/s just go on, waiting for the dead end to wham it in the head.
I havent been making a lot of sense in this post. Not tt I did make a lot recently but anyway. There's isnt much point asking me if "Im ok?" or anything. I will probably only say "Yes" (when it's probably No), or I will just say "There's no point talking about it". Really so no need to probe, or comment or anything. Still alive and kicking from previous tribulations, this one (these) cant bring me down too.
Friday, 2 November 2007
Poison and Sensibility
To make things easier, I will define the above-mentioned terms.
Poison: Something that is detrimental to personal well-being (i.e. excessive expectations)
Sensibility: A form that shows judgement based on good reason and experience
It has been widely thought that poison decreases sensibility since we will not think rationally if poisoned.. Yet this is not the case. I believe that for myself, and for many others, the poison of excessive expectations, aiming to do really better than others actually drives (coerces?) us to be more rational, be it in thought, essays etc.
Essays gotta have a structured layout, it must ADDRESS the issue (if possible, actually be a feasible solution to an existing problem), and we leech off the sensibility of others by citing their sources and creating new ideas of our own from their concepts. If we arent affected by the poison of expectations, of being better than others, will we bother to commit our utmost all to such things? The same goes for thought. When academic issues are studied, illogical and insensible ideas arent acceptable. Inherently these add to the nature of academics and even learning, true. Yet somehow things have ascended to a whole new level.
The spirit of excelling is grade-driven here and it has taken so long for me to fully empathise what others mean when they do not get their As or B+s. Every letter determines a step forward or a slip behind. When Bs are just not enough and mediocre, the letter that precedes it depicts how our progress and achievement precedes others'. Lecturers have discovered how poisonous the letters A-F are yet are powerless to do anything about it. Even + and - have new connotations now. It not only represents negativity or positivity, it can also represent insufficiency and how close u are to reaching the next level.
This poison spreads as effectively as how the system affects everyone. All together in a matrix, everyone is compelled to be sensible. Im sensible too.. I wanna break out of it.
Essential point is... Learning has a whole new meaning now... The word "meaning" here refers to the definition, and not the drive rightfully inherent in the spirit of learning.
Poison: Something that is detrimental to personal well-being (i.e. excessive expectations)
Sensibility: A form that shows judgement based on good reason and experience
It has been widely thought that poison decreases sensibility since we will not think rationally if poisoned.. Yet this is not the case. I believe that for myself, and for many others, the poison of excessive expectations, aiming to do really better than others actually drives (coerces?) us to be more rational, be it in thought, essays etc.
Essays gotta have a structured layout, it must ADDRESS the issue (if possible, actually be a feasible solution to an existing problem), and we leech off the sensibility of others by citing their sources and creating new ideas of our own from their concepts. If we arent affected by the poison of expectations, of being better than others, will we bother to commit our utmost all to such things? The same goes for thought. When academic issues are studied, illogical and insensible ideas arent acceptable. Inherently these add to the nature of academics and even learning, true. Yet somehow things have ascended to a whole new level.
The spirit of excelling is grade-driven here and it has taken so long for me to fully empathise what others mean when they do not get their As or B+s. Every letter determines a step forward or a slip behind. When Bs are just not enough and mediocre, the letter that precedes it depicts how our progress and achievement precedes others'. Lecturers have discovered how poisonous the letters A-F are yet are powerless to do anything about it. Even + and - have new connotations now. It not only represents negativity or positivity, it can also represent insufficiency and how close u are to reaching the next level.
This poison spreads as effectively as how the system affects everyone. All together in a matrix, everyone is compelled to be sensible. Im sensible too.. I wanna break out of it.
Essential point is... Learning has a whole new meaning now... The word "meaning" here refers to the definition, and not the drive rightfully inherent in the spirit of learning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
